By the time the whale swallows me I have been rendered helpless— tangled in gauzy white netting with coiled fishing line binding my wrists and ankles and what I can only imagine is a fuzzy fishing lure stuck in my ear canal. So embarrassing. As a highly developed mammal with opposable thumbs, you would think I would set the example for other species.
No, it is not lost on me that this is the perfect metaphor for my Christian walk of late. You are absolutely right. It would be easier for me to come to you right away with my problems instead of waiting until I am immobilized, drowning, and need you to rescue me with a large fish.
Despite my obvious restrictions I am able to stabilize myself enough to watch the watery images you are forming in pooled whale saliva. I miss projector screens. (FYI— I would not object to You using Your God of the Universe powers to loosen this fishing line up a bit. Just saying…)
Today’s visit is about tactical combat? Oh, the restraints are part of the lesson? Great. The kinesthetic teaching approach. I guess this is what I get for ignoring Your previous, more conventional efforts at teaching me. You know, like actually believing what I read in the Bible…
The images in the pool pull into focus. Enter Satan—the epitome of lazy. He shows up for work unshowered in a hoodie, throwing a microaggressive finger gun gesture in my direction and collapsing like the boneless slug that he is his chair opposite me. As he settles in he asks the smug question I hear every day— “I’m tired, can you take yourself out?”
Cut to me after a close friend makes a small, stray comment that may or may not be a jab at my parenting ability. I fold my legs up under my arms and pull the thought in to obsess over it. I watch while the cartoon thought grows teeth and munches through my frontal lobe. In its wake among the chewed up mulch of my logic and reasoning are these thoughts:
I am a bad, incompetent parent.
I am lazy, I should do more.
I will never be a better parent, why even try?
This person doesn’t care about me.
I am unloved and unacceptable.
Cut back to the enemy, with a gleeful Grinch smile spread wide across his face.
Yes, now I see the danger and the enemy’s tactic. He wants me to doubt myself, and worse, to doubt YOU and what You have already told me about myself. That way I become useless for doing Your good in the world. It was me who bit at the enemy’s lure and pulled in his lies to eat away at Your truth. I got myself entangled and rendered myself useless. I am doing the enemy’s work for him. This explains his inflated confidence.
You call me to take captive each thought.
You call me to stand on Your truth.
You are my help when I get stuck as a parent. I can call on You in each tough circumstance. (God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1)
I have strength from You for each day to face every obstacle. (I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13)
I am being transformed to be like more like You. You will not leave me stuck in old, unhealthy patterns of behavior. (Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17)
Even if people of this world do not accept me, You do. I carry with me the full benefit of being Your daughter. (If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31)
You love me. (I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jeremiah 31:3)
Lord, thank you for teaching me not to explain away Your truth, but to collect it and stand firmly upon it. Help me remember Your voice opposes all attacks of the enemy. Your voice inspires calm, comfort, conviction, encouragement, enlightenment, guidance, reassurance, stillness. Help me to steep myself in Your word so I can recognize and hold captive each thought that is not from You. Amen.