In his book, Autism Breakthrough, Raun explains that since autism is a social-relational disorder, our method of helping our children should be a social-relational one. His method called “joining” stands in contrast to ABA therapy, which attempts to eliminate repetitive, antisocial behavior and replace it with more socially desirable behavior.
Raun, who once had autism, is himself a success story supporting his parents’ method, but he shares other amazing testimonies of how “joining” has helped parents reach and connect with their children.
One mother had a child who would sit and tap books with his finger instead of reading them. One night, she decided instead of trying to stop him, she would join him.
“She loved him. She just wanted to convey that to him. She just wanted to show him that she accepted him exactly where he was. So she got out a book of her own, sat down, and began tapping her own book. After doing this for some time, she stood up and began quietly making her way out of James’s room so he could go to sleep. As she was leaving , he put his book down, looked up at her, and said, ‘I love you.’ This was the first time he had ever said those words to her.” (Autism Breakthrough, pg 47-48)
Meeting her child where he was provided an opportunity for meaningful connection.
Raun put a name to the process I was already following with my own son. When I join Caleb and see the world through his eyes, he has such a joyful response at being “understood”. And it leads to him seeking out more connections with me.
God loves me, loves us, with even more depth than we do our children.
He knew our major issue was a social-relational one, so He sent His Son to join with us—to meet us where we are, to establish trust, to help us know how deeply and unconditionally we are loved.
Only then could Jesus lead us to be reconciled to God—only then could our relationship with God be restored.
Lord, help us to stop focusing on trying to change our behavior and the behavior of others. Help us instead to sit and create space for You to join us. Help us surrender and fully receive Your love, until it overwhelms us and changes us. Amen.