Vision Correction

Time to draw another chalk line on the inside of this whale belly. Here I am again, this time beneath a massive whale tongue that is squeezing the life out of me. I always admire how You give me such perfect, vivid metaphors for what is happening in my life.

Every area of my life exploded in one week. I seriously questioned my role as mother, wife, writer, small group leader, and prayer team member all at the same time.

I thought I was the problem, a failure in each area. As a mother, wife, writer, and small group leader I felt I was not enough. As a prayer team member I thought maybe I was a little too much. I kept shaking the mirror like an etch-a-sketch to try to see myself more clearly. Then You stepped in, as You always do.

You: Here, first let me…you got a log in your eye, let me just get that for you…

Me: Huh. How long has that been there?

You: Also…did you notice you are in a Funhouse? That is a Funhouse mirror you are shaking.

Me: Oh.

You: You can keep shaking it, but it is always going to be distorted.

Me: *sigh*

You: You know where you can see a perfect reflection of yourself?

Me: Macy’s?

You: *sigh*

You again: No. I will show you. Close your eyes and turn toward me. You kind of wandered off there for a bit like a character from Us. 

Me: That sounds like something I would do. 

I did not know that I was depressed until You showed me. One good thing about knowing you are depressed is that you can finally stop trying to frantically fix everything. The Funhouse cannot be fixed, it can only be identified and exited. In Your mercy You helped me see clearly that I wasn’t seeing clearly. I dropped the mirror and opened my palms. Then You offered me the gift of You, which You are always offering but which I do not always take.

I finally STOPPED DOING and just sat under the safety and covering of Your wing. You are enough. You made me and I am enough. I do not have value because of what I do. I have value because I am Yours.

I realize that whatever balls I drop, it is going to be okay. When I am misunderstood, it will be okay. When I read a book called Setting Boundaries with Difficult People and realize I am the difficult people, it will be okay. You see me accurately. You see me in all my enneagram 98% one-ness. You promise to help sand down the rough edges of my personality with love and no condemnation. You have created me to do good in the world and You have the power to make sure I don’t get pulled off course.

You mercifully turned me away from a self-center back toward a You-center. Your reminded me of my role to care, love, and pray for people. You showed me people who are going through greater difficulties than I am with amazing grace and a knowledge that You are bigger than everything we face.

As this coronavirus spreads, it is going to be okay. As we face deaths and trials and struggles that threaten to squeeze the life out of us, we will be okay. We will face some mountainous difficulties this side of heaven, sometimes one right after the other in the same week. Some of them You will miraculously handle. Some solutions will have to wait for Your Kingdom. You tell us it is all ultimately going to be okay when we follow You. 

So I place myself, my family, all the balls of my life that fell and scattered, and all my concerns into Your capable hands. 

My vision is limited, but Yours in not. I choose to let You lead me.

Lord, thank you that you have greater things in store for us than we can see with our worldly eyes. When things get dark and scary, help me close my eyes and trust You to see me through. Help me to stay focused on You and what You created me to do. Knock back any fear or guilt that would throw me off course. Help me to love fiercely and be part of Your pandemic of hope. I pray this in Jesus’s name. Amen.