If you are a recovering people-pleaser like me, you may need a new approach to New Year’s resolutions.
I didn’t know how much of a people-pleaser I was until I was in a situation that was causing anxiety and stress and couldn’t figure out how to resolve it.
Then a trusted friend asked me a bewildering question.
What do you want in this situation?
What do I want? What does that even mean? Am I allowed to ask that?
I had been people-pleasing for so long, I honestly didn’t even know the answer to this simple question.
And I learned I had tagged this question in my mind as a selfish one. One that should be shoved aside for the good of others. And when I became a mom it went right off the cliff.
Turns out, it is not selfish at all. Pushing it aside doesn’t make you a better person, a better Christian, a better mother. It just makes you more likely to burn out and prevents you from truly knowing yourself.
AFTER you answer the question, you can look at it objectively, examine your motives, decide how to act on it or choose not to act on it. You can decide if it is a worthy goal and run it through the S.M.A.R.T. test—asking if it is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound.
But asking yourself and giving yourself space to answer is a vital first step.
So at the beginning of this New Year I am going to be wild and crazy by asking myself—What do I really want? And give myself space to dream.
My first resolution? To spend more time with this guy—he knows what makes him happy and I don’t think he spends too much time worrying about what others think.
#goals.