Speaking Up

My son is steadily collecting frequent flyer miles on these rides in the whale belly. I shouldn’t be surprised. He is often the chief character of my life lessons. Right now he is struggling to gain purchase on a shifting whale tongue while screaming “I want Way Maker again please yes, okay!” I sit in admiration of his savvy negotiation tactic. Maybe I will start tacking my preferred response to the end of all my requests. He might be onto something. I watch a smile spread and threaten to swallow his face as he hears the powerful echo of his voice bounce off the cavern-like interior of our host.

I have noticed when You want to make a point clear to me, You have it surface in many areas of my life— my son, what I am reading, watching, in conversations with people. As I watch and listen to my son, I realize the theme lately has been the power of vocalization. What we say reveals the state of our hearts and James 3 describes our voices as having the same power as a rudder that steers a ship. There is power in praying out loud, singing praise music, and reciting passages of scripture. Despite this head knowledge, in practice I process and meditate only through writing or speaking quietly in my mind.

Recent developments have led me to add declaring truth out loud to my spiritual repertoire.

Caleb often likes me to be near him, but not necessarily interacting with him. I was writing a response to a prayer request while he sat reading his books. I had just clicked “send” on a prayer asking God to let His Kingdom break through in a country devastated by conflict when I heard metallic scraping at the top of the stairs. 

Caleb had just walked by me and reached the top of the wooden staircase at lightning speed, as children under the influence of mischief tend to do.

The metal scraping was the gate. 

I heard a horrible succession of 5 thumps as I ran to the base of the steps. It was like trying to run in a dream. My brain arrived before my body. I reach him in time to see him stagger to a standing position. He looked at me with wild eyes and yelled “Oohhh, nooo!” (a direct quote from his favorite Pete the Cat book I Love My White Shoes.) 

There are times in the life of a mom of a son with special needs when you are equal parts proud and horrified. Maybe this is the case for parents of all kids. I don’t really have anything to compare it to. You will have to let me know. These are the things I processed at exactly the same time:

He appropriately applied the expression “Oh,no!” to a real life situation! 

He verbally expressed an emotion he was feeling! 

He just fell down 15 hard wood steps!!! 

The gate at the top of the stairs had popped out of position and I realized with horror that he had tried to climb over it. I checked him all over as he cried in my arms and within a minute he was back to reading his books aloud and laughing. He didn’t have any signs of a concussion, or even being bothered by pain after that first minute, but I was convinced there was internal bleeding I couldn’t see and he was about to die.

This was one in a series of events that had been happening recently. On December 23rd he eloped and shattered my fantasy that I would never have to worry about him purposely wandering from the safety of our home. He had been vaulting over safety gates and having frequent meltdowns. He has been increasing in strength which makes it even more difficult to keep him safe. It felt like one wave of fear after another and my anxiety level was amped up as much as my son. These events happened to be timed along with me taking on more prayer requests. Are these things linked? Is this spiritual warfare or just a combination of a growth spurt and bad parenting?

I came to a pivotal moment as I comforted my son when I asked myself—do I partner with the fear and the whys of all this happening or do I focus my efforts on what I know of You and step more fully into the supernatural peace You so freely offer me?

One of my friends, after hearing about his tumble down the stairs, suggested anointing the house. I spent a majority of my Christian years Presbyterian, so I have never anointed anything. in. my. life. I had this whole concept packed away in the junk drawer of my mind, along with prophetic visions, praising barefoot with hands in the air, the book of Revelations, and conspiracy theories. You know, that space where you store things that you haven’t quite processed, fully accepted, or know if you believe? I usually shove it in and push my full weight against the drawer as stuff spills over the sides while thinking my Scarlett O’Hara thought—I will think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. So instead of embracing the idea, I opted for pacing—which is basically hesitation for anxious people. I looked over at my son. He looked back, stood up, got tangled up in the chair he was sitting on, fell, and the chair fell on top of him. 

So I did what any self-respecting Christian would do. I got the Pam cooking spray out of the cabinet and googled “How to anoint.”

I found a Kenneth Copeland Ministries article entitled How to Anoint Your Home with Oil and followed these steps:

Step 1: Remove anything with evil roots from your home. 

I look down at my new phone. The icon is an apple with a bite out of it. You would think as a Christian woman I would have cut left on this one, but I walked right into it. Sorry. I put the Youversion bible app on it and am currently using it to anoint, so we are good, right??

The one thing that I was strongly convicted to let go of was a book by Stephen King. I was two-thirds of the way through and it was almost physically painful to have to let it go. (It reminded me of the time my mother accidentally sold a book at a garage sale that my father was still reading. It was Congo by Michael Crichton and he had just gotten to the good part.) Some people are probably fine reading stuff like this, but my brain retains the horror and applies it in ridiculous situations at a later date. So probably better for me to go the conservative route. Goodbye Misery, my old friend.

Step 2: Pray aloud in every room. Invite the Holy Spirit and ask that everything that happens in that room to be pleasing to Him.

The concept of the Holy Spirit was “next level” for me as a Christian. I was 30+ years into Christianity before I learned that He is a person and He is the one who helps me interpret scripture, helps me communicate more effectively in prayer, and who helps me feel the untarnished by the world, perfect peace of God. Saying aloud for the first time that His presence is welcome in my home reminded me of why I signed up for this whole Christianity thing in the first place. I want more of God in my life and I want to align myself with Him. When I declare this aloud, guess who hears it? See Step 3.

Step 3: Rebuke the enemy’s attempt at coming against your home or family.

The word “rebuke” has been a stumbling block for me in the past. It seems a little dramatic. If you really stop to think about it, though, the stuff that happens this side of heaven gets pretty dramatic. As much as I would like to ignore it, there is a battle against good and evil going on, even in our own brains. Tolkien did the best job of characterizing this in Lord of the Rings. When Gandalf arrives at Théoden’s castle, the king has been reduced to a vegetable state from listening to the twisted counsel of Wormtongue. His Kingdom was being run by fear. Gandalf uses the power of his wizard’s staff to free Théoden’s mind and restore him to power. You had me use the only offensive weapon in the Armor of God from Ephesians 6—the Sword of Truth. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) I summoned my best Gandalf “You shall not pass!” voice and outwardly declared that I was not going to listen anymore to glass-half-empty, debilitating, dark, doomsday prepper, worst-case scenario thinking and that I was not going to let fear rule my home.

Step 4: Ask God to cover each room with the protective blood of Jesus.

If the first thing you think about is a scene from Carrie, know that at one time that was me, too. (And see what I do with Stephen King stories?) I took a class focusing on the Old Testament and thankfully what comes to mind now is the powerful image of people spreading lamb’s blood over their doors so that the angel of death passes them by. There is no protection greater than the blood of Jesus, and I want nothing but the best when it involves the safety of my son. Vocalizing this repeatedly over each room had a side benefit of helping to push the root of the gospel message even deeper into my heart. When my son sings praise music, often the only word I hear clearly is “Jesus.” It is the only word he will ever need.

Step 5: Place oil over each door frame.

Luckily, I remembered receiving anointing oil as a Prayer Team member at our church, so I was able to substitute it for the Pam cooking spray. 

I walked around my house with my cell phone, anointing oil, and a chair declaring at the doorframe of each room that this home would be a place where I refused to partner with fear and would welcome the peace of the Holy Spirit. 

I have to say I did not know what to expect. I have been trusting You more to help me push through my discomfort. Only good things have been on the other side and this was no different. Actively saying aloud what I believed uprooted my fears one by one as I moved through the house. They were replaced by a peace that was palpable. I felt it in the atmosphere in the house. I noticed it in my son. I learned that I have more power than I think in controlling my flurry of anxious thoughts. 

Now when Caleb stands on the porch steps reciting Pete the Cat and jumping in excitement at the echo, I remember the steps I followed to learn the power of my voice. I remember that I control the steering, not the other way around. When I hear my son in the backseat singing “even when I don’t see You, You’re working!” from Leeland’s song Way Maker, I think of how You are shaping and growing my son in ways I do not see. My vocalizations in turn are proof to others that You are working in me.

Lord, thank You for teaching me the power of declaring the truths You have taught me out loud. I know this comes from deliberately focusing my thoughts on You. Help me create in my mind highways of right thinking rather than poorly-lit alleyways of negativity. I want to align myself with Paul’s teaching in Philippians 4:8—”whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Help the resulting words that come from my mouth light a clear and peaceful path to You. Amen.

~Post-script~

I realize some of you may need more empirical evidence of this whole anointing thing. Here it is. As most of you know, I live in New Jersey. This is very important to note. I was coming out of the mall and in the left-turn-only lane this person in front of me stops suddenly and turns on their right signal light. I sat behind him, helpless and blocked through another light rotation. I did not beep. I did not feel annoyed. I waited. Quietly. Patiently. I was baffled.

Then I remember I had also anointed my car.

#PROOF

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