Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak…

Are you a list writer who also tends to get overwhelmed by your lists? I am. The most overwhelming is my three-dimensional list of things I want to read. A huge stack, structurally unsound, staring at me, mocking me, throughout the year. Actually, “stack” is too kind. It is more of a glob with tentacle-like appendages seeping out from the corner, around furniture. Every time I throw a book on it I feel like I am feeding the plant from Little Shop of Horrors and I worry a little more about my safety when I close the door to my office.

There was never any selection process to the things I would read. Planning gives me hives, so the pile was always haphazard. This year COVID led to homeschooling and with the large chunk of time subtracted from day came an increased appreciation for planning and setting goals. I started stacking up the books I had read (which is much more motivating) and then choosing more carefully what I read next. I looked for books that would help me be a better mom, wife, leader.

Then COVID became a macabre wallpaper behind even bigger issues. George Floyd and the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement made me view what I was reading through a news lens. Was I taking responsibility for educating myself? Was I reading a variety of perspectives?

Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer convinced me that my actions and words come from whatever thoughts and ideas I have invited into the parlour of my subconscious. Was I choosing to read what is healthy for my soul?

Then this week, a mob attacked the White House and what I read gave me indigestion. Scrolling through social media was like eating sushi at an all-you-can-eat buffet in Vegas. The risks outweighed the benefits. I saw images of people holding a “Jesus” sign and spiraled from there. I was so offended as a Christian. Anger bubbled up with each flick of my thumb. Probably the same type of anger that bubbled up in that mob. (“Exhibit A” of why God is in charge and not me.)

It was so tempting in this brewing storm for me to join the crowd and instantaneously draw lines in the sand. My fingers hovered over the keyboard. Then I thought, a line in the sand means I am done trying to understand. It means I am done trying to connect. 

The more lines we draw, the less space we have to walk.

Jesus already told me what to do in the face of anger and hate. James 1:19 says “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” The path of the peacemaker is for me to pause before posting. Pause to take in information. Slowly digest it. Fact check. Filter out truth. Speak only once I have a wide-angle lens on the situation that includes the side that opposes me.

I am responsible for what I feed my mind. If I am dedicating time to hear the voices of those who struggle, I will be slow to become angry when outbursts occur because I will already have a basic understanding of where they are coming from. 

So I am praying for God to help me create a space of grace around myself. I want the next book I read to count toward hearing a new voice, to coaxing opposing ideas from the shadows so I can start conversations from a place of understanding when the opportunity arises. When I read and it feels uncomfortable, I will take it as a sign that I am approaching a new perspective and keep reading. 

So, from this stack that represents my 2020, The Color of Compromisewas the book that challenged my perspective the most. I am not the same person I was when I started reading it. It was worth the time invested and the discomfort of facing some pretty ugly truths.

What was that book for you?

Please share one book you think I should read to understand you better (or the people you care about) or a book that really led to change in your life. I would love for you to start a conversation with me.

And Audrey II is hungry.

(By the way, for those of you who are zeroing in on that little book at the bottom, Boundaries with Difficult People, and are wondering if that difficult person I had to learn to navigate is you…let me put your mind at ease…turns out it was me!)