Eloped (Not that Kind…)

When I finally open my eyes I am floating in shallow, steady, rocking water. I had been doing well, handling what life threw at me with You, God. I was riding the waves instead of succumbing to them. Then a tidal wave hit. You snatched me from the shoreline after being scoured raw by waves and sand. Now I float with no strength left in my limbs. It is pitch black except for the undulating bioluminescent jellyfish swallowed by this massive whale. They remind me of billowing sheets on a clothesline backlit by sunlight. Their soothing, soft glow reflects off the whale’s cavernous body. The tiny waves filter the light and add a flickering effect. This must be Your supernatural peace I am feeling because it defies circumstances. These lights from the whale belly meld with a picture of Christmas lights festooned on porches in my mind’s eye and I remember what brought me here.

My neighbors waste no time during the Christmas season. The day after Thanksgiving, houses, shrubs, trees, and fences throughout our town have been adorned with lights and each home looks like it has fallen out of a Thomas Kinkade painting. 

Our son had been nonverbal for so many years that when he said “drive to see lights please” we were thrilled and more than happy to oblige. Little did we know he would request the same thing at the stroke of twilight each day, standing dressed with sneakers on and pointing eagerly at the door. A new family tradition had been born.

I had believed that my son would not be one of the statistics of children with autism who eloped. On December 23rd I was proved wrong. Quick vocabulary check for those of you who are understandably confused—according to the National Institute of Elopement Prevention and Resolution, elopement refers to “an individual with cognitive challenges or special needs who wanders, runs away from, or otherwise leaves a caregiving facility or environment.”

While my husband was sitting in the kitchen, our son dressed himself, put shoes on and went into the backyard. This had become a habit of his. He had an app on his phone that showed an illustration of a moon and stars and the narrator would say “black night sky.” Caleb, wanting to see the real thing, would then go outside, say “black-eh night-eh sky!” and jump up and down a few times in excitement before coming back in. We usually let him do this independently as our backyard is completely enclosed and secured with a locked fence. My husband saw him go out the sliding glass door, and then it got suspiciously quiet.

When Ray checked the back and saw Caleb wasn’t there, he came upstairs to tell me our son was missing. My first instinct? To scream “no” repeatedly. So helpful. I ran as fast as I could through the house to make sure he hadn’t come back in. My husband went outside and called the local police. I finished my checks and ran outside to join him. The silent night was shattered by my screams as I ran down the street looking for my son. An impulsive 5-year-old child was roaming the dark streets at night in one of the most populated areas of the country. Anything could have happened and he could be anywhere. 

Thankfully I did not have time to go much further down the rabbit hole with my thoughts. My husband yelled from a block away that the police had already found our son. Two blocks away my son was sitting in the passenger side of a police car with a big grin, looking at pictures of Christmas lights on his phone. When he saw me he turned to the police officers and said “bye bye!” as if it was the end of a play date. 

After the incident, we checked the house and the gate outside. Everything was secure. We gathered that he must have climbed the gate to escape. His motivation had been to go and see the Christmas lights. We had not taken him yet that night, so our self-directed little guy decided to take matters into his own hands.

God showed mercy on us that night in so many ways. I pray to thank Him for that and I am raising this ebenezer as a reminder of how He found our lost son. His fingerprints were all over the situation that night. A safe New Jersey driver (quite possibly the only one!) happened to drive by and notice my son wandering alone at night. This person/angel from heaven called 911 and the police immediately arrived and loaded my son in their police car before my husband even called. There was no judgement from the police at all. They took a picture of our son to have on file in case this happened in the future. The entire incident lasted about 5 minutes in total.

I began to realize that this is a fear I would have to face and work through. I could no longer live in denial. Elopement is a real concern for parents of kids with autism, especially since kids with ASD can be impulsive, have trouble communicating, and have trouble understanding the dangers of certain situations. It is reasonable to assume this could happen again. The thought of carrying this level of concern on a regular basis threatened to overwhelm me.

Thankfully I do not have to face this out of my own strength. You remind me that Ephesians 6:13 tells us “therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” It took this almost catastrophic event to help me realize that just the act of standing is not easy or passive. It is a powerful act of faith.

Standing secure on God and His Word has all the complexity of learning to stand on a surfboard. There are so many muscles used in the act of surfing. One set  just in paddling out and then another whole set added from lower body muscles when you finally bring yourself to stand against the opposing wave. All major muscle groups have to work together and operate at peak performance. Many falls and being rolled and pulverized by swirling saltwater and sand are involved in building these muscle groups. But each time you get up and try again, each tiny muscle in the intricate system gets stronger and eventually you can do what you were meant to do—ride the waves instead of tumbling from them.

God knows all the muscles involved in standing on the truths from the Bible and trusting Him. He knows the order they need to be strengthened. This particular tidal wave led to a fall, but God used it to strengthen one of these muscles of faith. He showed me the tale of two Christians.

Christian #1, played by my awesome husband: Realizes our son is missing and IMMEDIATELY prays. Trusts God to recover our child. Calmly calls the local police and learns they have already picked up our son. Calmly informs me then walks to go pick him up. 

Christian #2, played by yours truly: Immediately screams a mom-specific scream that must have been birthed along with her child that only dogs and dolphins can understand. Despite biology and logic working against her, believes that channeling the echolocation skills of Flipper will help find her child. Wildly runs through the street with no direction or plan. 

[Sidebar—Don’t get me wrong, it makes sense to freak out when your child is missing. But consider this analogy: You are watching the Super Bowl. You are watching someone kick a field goal that could win the game for your team. You get up and instinctually scream, wave your arms in the air, and lean toward the goal post as you watch the ball fly through the air. Does it make you feel better? Yes. Is it understandable? Yes. Is it effective in changing the outcome? Absolutely not. If it was the Buffalo Bills would have won Super Bowl XXV and “wide right” would have some other meaning.]

My husband had his armor on. I did not. My husband was able to calmly go through systematic steps and was able to recover our son. God may not always work things out the way I want, but He deserves my trust regardless of circumstances and outcome, otherwise I cannot be of much use to Him or anyone else. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego went into the fire with a faith in God no matter what the outcome would be. My family deserves my calm that results from having this kind of deeply rooted faith.

So, we did what we could do. We ordered reinforced locks for the front door and sliding door. We are getting tracking devices, ID jewelry, and we are registering him with the police, who now have a current photo of him. Neighbors and caregivers have been alerted. We are practicing crossing the street safely and responding to the word “stop!” We have taught him to swim. I am positively reinforcing him staying with me and holding my hand. We are training him in ways that his unique mind will understand. We continue to research how we can reach and teach him. We pray over him every night. We have to leave the rest to God. Our son is His son, and He alone is able to watch over him with full knowledge and awareness each second. He is the only perfect parent.

Lord, I am so grateful for our local police and for the unknown person who summoned them and made sure our child was safe. I am thankful for my friend who texted me back and forth for an hour after the incident until I calmed down and for those who faithfully prayed for us. I am thankful for the people at school and in my small group who live in town. They assured me that if this happened again they would be running through the streets looking for my son with me. I am thankful for the behaviorist at school who helped me run through a list of ideas to help prevent this from happening again and, short of chipping him, keep him reasonably safe if it did. I am thankful for his OT for helping to start a program with the local police to register kids with ASD. You placed us in this town with these amazing people and since the conception of my son have been working to weave a perfect tapestry of love and support for him. Help me remember this. Help me truly believe Your Word that says “God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” Thank you that Jesus modeled a firm stance of faith during his time in the desert. Fear was the abyss over the edge of the cliff and Satan was daring him to jump. He chose to stand firmly on the edge, believing in the truth from Scripture. Help me to build up and flex my muscle of faith so my immediate reaction in times of trouble it to turn into You and stand firmly opposed to any wave trying to take me down. Amen.