Celestial Dog Bowl

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I honestly don’t know which is worse, obeying Your orders or laying in a puddle of mucus staring at a whale’s uvula. I was happy to just stay on the surface maintaining status quo on this issue, but this was not Your plan. Sometimes I feel like I am in an awkward three-legged race with You. Doing what You ask incites panic, not doing what You ask puts me out of synch with You.

Let’s review the facts that landed me in Whale Jail. My church small group constantly wrestles with the topic of how to help the homeless. When you live in New York City you cannot avoid this issue. Everyone sees it and everyone makes a choice—every day. As a group we volunteered at a shelter once a month. We passed out sandwiches and fruit to the homeless and hungry—and at times to people who are neither homeless nor hungry and who were subsequently offended. I had the feeling that some of my “help” was missing the mark. Guilt built up each day as I walked by people in need, too terrified to engage.

I had heard excuses across the spectrum over the years and unfortunately believed some. Don’t give money. What if they spend it on the wrong things? It won’t help enough anyway. It is too much help! Why don’t they get a job? Tax money goes to organizations to help them, just call them. It is not your problem. Someone else gifted in the area of service will help. It’s a scam, don’t fall for it. (In defense of this excuse, I did have someone give me a spiel on a corner in SOHO about being late to a production of a play on Broadway. He had locked himself, his wallet, and his mother outside of the apartment and needed money for a cab to get to the set on time. I gave him some money. Then I heard it again from the same person almost a year later in the same exact spot and asked him “How could you let that happen twice?!”)

I sit quietly with You as You shine Your spotlight on this line of reasoning. I remember the excuses I hid behind and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. The scene from A Christmas Carol that You know always chills me to the bone plays across the striated pink belly wall. Jacob Marley is explaining to Scrooge how he is doomed to forever see hardship and suffering without the power to intervene. I know deep down I am feeling Your disappointment at the time I have wasted. So You do what You do when there is a gap between where I am and where You are. You bridge it. You give me a verse. I don’t get it. Then You HIGHLIGHT the verse over and over until I do.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?” Matthew 7:9

When Jesus was here and passed people in need he stopped, turned to face people, talked to them, and gave them what they asked for. He also pointed them to Hope, to You—a Good Father who gives Good Gifts. If I apply what you have taught me, the outlook does not look good for an introvert walking the crowded streets of NYC. This is why I chose the whale. This is going to be too hard. Why can’t I have a sidekick like Moses?

“Ok! I’ll do it!” I scream into the cavernous whale belly. Then You spit me out onto the streets of NYC. Less than a minute after being freed my mind immediately begins creating a more palatable version of Your orders. I swipe whale goo off my clothes as I walk and decide I will engage with someone in need ONLY if their need is CLEAR and SPECIFIC. 

Then, because You are the God that called the world into being with only Your words, I come upon a woman in thick mismatched layers and a white beanie holding a dog on a leash with an overstuffed duffle bag. Next to her is a sign with a list of things she needs. Geesh, You do not mess around. 

One of the items on the list is a dog bowl. I duck into the Rite Aid on the corner. In a city filled with dog owners, there is hope this might be fruitful. I walk through the housewares aisle combing every inch. After about three minutes I start to directly challenge You. (You know, a small petite thing You created challenging the one who hung the stars in the sky. Makes so much sense!) My rant sounds a little like this— “God, this is YOUR idea, NOT mine. I am trying to be obedient, to serve a person You asked me to serve by getting them a good gift—something they asked for. I NEED a dog bowl and if You don’t show me one I am…”

Yep, didn’t even finish the sentence when right in front of my face—not to the left or right—is a dog bowl. A LONE dog bowl. Where I had JUST been looking. Methodically. Carefully. There was no other explanation. 

Damn it.

I begrudgingly buy it and drag my awkward introvert self out to hand it to the woman. At least it was a conversation starter. She thanks me and I asked if I can pray for her. I am shocked when she says yes. I keep it simple, telling her God loves her and her dog and I pray that other people will be generous and help her and that God would help her and bless her in the areas she shared she was struggling in.

I can feel the shift in my heart. You aren’t asking me to solve the issue of homelessness or fix people’s lives. You just want me to show people that YOU love them. That I can do. You know, always reluctantly because of my intense fear of messing up or being ridiculed or offending people…but I know I can do it. The simplicity erases all my boxed excuses.

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you…” (Matthew 7:12)

Lord, please forgive me for making things so complicated. Help me come to You for my marching orders and give me the courage I need to follow through. Thank You for not giving up on me and refusing to allow any distance to exist between us. Thank You for Your Son for closing the gap between us forever and being our ultimate example. Help me to walk each day with eyes wide open to opportunities to show others the unconditional love You have shown me. In Jesus’s name. Amen.