When I met my friend, we bonded over our kids’ names. Two of her three little ones are named Caleb and Joshua and my son’s name is Caleb Joshua. We both named them after the two spies in the Bible who believed God’s promises despite the giants they faced.
And she was facing a pretty big giant.
When she was pregnant with her third child, she was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of breast cancer. She delivered a healthy baby and was responding well to treatment.
Walking alongside her meant diving deep into learning about prayer; specifically healing prayer. She joined me and a small group of friends as we read Power Healing by John Wimber. We applied new strategies for interviewing and praying for people who need healing, both physically and emotionally. Wimber covered the fact that some prayers go unanswered, but we skimmed over that, focusing on the positive. Believing our friend could be healed. We didn’t want anything to cloud our faith.
In the darkest of moments my friend was a light, a force–beyond inspiring. When we wanted to comfort her, she would comfort us. When we wanted to encourage her, she would encourage us. I tried reeling her in, with her infectious faith, to be part of our church’s prayer team or to lead our group.
Then we saw her health decline. The doctors predicted she only had a few more months to live. We dug in and prayed more, involving more people. Radio stations set a time and date for all listeners to pray for her. Prayer chains were blasted through email. We went to her home with people who have prayed and seen God heal. We laid hands on her and anointed her with oil.
When she passed away, it didn’t make sense to me at all. She was an amazing mother whose main goal was to be around to disciple her kids. She was a wife who wanted to continue to support her husband. She was an amazing person in a position to do so much good. She was supposed to live and prove that God was more powerful than cancer. How could He let this happen when her living would have made Him look so good?
That’s the funny thing about prayer. If you are not careful, it ends up being a script you write without God. And then you can be so confused when he rejects it, especially when you went through so much trouble to make it airtight, convincing, something He would approve of.
My whole world tilted and I almost slid right off it.
The story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego has always been there for me when I am experiencing the disorientation of a flat spin. These three men were told to bow and worship an idol by King Nebuchadnezzar. They refused, so Nebuchadnezzar threw them in a fiery furnace. Another figure appeared in the fire with them, rescuing them and resulting in the king flip-flopping and praising God.
I didn’t think any more truth could be squeezed from this profound story. Then I read the Trusting God’s Plan in the Fire devotion by HealingStrong.org on YouVersion and saw a new facet. The writer compared motives in a way I never thought to. Nebuchadnezzar was all about maintaining control. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were all about releasing control to God.
Before these three men entered the fire they said these incredible words…
“If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image you have set up.” (Daniel 3 v 16-18)
But even if he does not…
I was not releasing control to God in my prayers for my friend. I was arm-wrestling Him. And it was exhausting. I had not realized that I was praying to have God do what I wanted Him to do. I took this story, saw that the ending converted Nebuchadnezzar and took this in as a little mathematical formula. IF I prayed the perfect prayer with perfect faith and the answered prayer would lead to converts and the glory of God, then God would be more likely to answer it. He would heal my friend on my terms, on this side of heaven.
This passage shows so clearly that faith isn’t believing God will do what you ask Him to do, it is trusting God especially when he does not.
Just because this story ended with the prayer answered, doesn’t make it a formula to cut and paste over other situations. On the other side of a “he does not”, I realize I am still learning to release control to God. There is pain when you first release fingers that have held onto a thing tightly for some time, but eventually there is relief. It can be freeing and peaceful, letting go and trusting God.
Lord, I know you have actually answered all my late-night prayers for my friend. She is no longer in pain. But it is still so hard. A wiser man than me wrote “The soul is elastic, like a balloon. It can grow larger through suffering.” (Jerry Sittser). I am not there yet. I still feel like I am floating untethered through space, disoriented and, honestly, scared that these cups of suffering even exist. Following in the footsteps of Jesus feels a bit overwhelming right now. Help me to at least follow in the footsteps of my friend who reflected him so beautifully–comforting others with the comfort she received from You. Amen