My husband and I have been attending an amazing church for about a year. Unfortunately, we have been attending online because there is no special needs program for my son.
As you can imagine, this creates some obstacles to connecting with people in the congregation.
Sometimes you find yourself in a place that makes no sense, but you are held there by a deep sense of peace that it is where God wants you.
But that thing that doesn’t fit, that doesn’t make sense, kind of dangles there like a stray thread and makes you super uncomfortable, especially if you are a “fixer” like me.
This is something God is working on in me. To wait on Him and trust Him. To trust that when He calls me to something, He will work out the details, even if I cannot see how right away.
Recently we decided just to jump in and try attending in person. Mostly because our son Caleb suddenly and super-specifically said “Bethany Church Washington Township Sunday!” and we took it as a nudge from God.
That first Sunday I stayed with Caleb the entire time in kids’ church. We vacillated between pre-k and elementary classrooms. Neither seemed a good fit. Neither had the visual aids my son needed to be engaged.
It was hard. It was a fight minute to minute to keep him engaged so my husband could sit in the sanctuary and worship with other people for the first time since March 2020.
We were determined to try again the next Sunday, holding onto the dream of us eventually being able to sit in the sanctuary and attend church in person, together. Ready to do the work and get there, step by step.
So, being me, during the week I contacted the kids church coordinator, checking to make sure we weren’t too disruptive and could return the following week. I found out what Bible stories would be taught so I could print, laminate, and assemble an adaptive book to give my son the visual he needed to connect with the material being taught. I gathered activity books of high interest to him (anything Bluey or construction-related) and snacks in a bag to take with us. A moment-by-moment survival plan was in place.
But by the time Sunday came around, anxiety had kicked in. I had been here before and I was worried about the long, hard road ahead. I was hanging on by a thread.
So I decided to let Ray go with my son to kids’ church this time around. Because I am learning to let others help. And I am learning that sometimes I overcomplicate things and hold too tightly to the reins, so thought a new approach might help.
I sat alone in the service with my cell phone at my side, ready to spring into action if needed.
Then, a few minutes into the service my husband appeared next to me. He said the teacher this week had experience with special needs kids and felt comfortable watching him if we were comfortable leaving him. And since my husband doesn’t overcomplicate things or hold too tightly to the reins, he left our son with her and joined me.
And all of a sudden, on our second Sunday back in person, my husband and I were both in the sanctuary together, worshiping in person for the first time since the pandemic.
And we picked up a happy kid at the end of the service.
“‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.” Zechariah 4:6B
I do not know what next week will be like, but I do know I am going to let that thread dangle and wait expectantly for God to weave it into place.
Lord, You are a good God and You love us enough to push us toward emotional health. Thank You for patiently, repeatedly, teaching me to trust You, especially when You have led me to a specific place. Thank You for helping me establish better boundaries and trust more people with my son. Thank You for helping me to reach out for help so I don’t get burned out. And thank You for church volunteers, who have no idea how much that hour and a half means to parents who rarely get breaks to be together. Help me to see where You are working and wait on You. Amen.